im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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