NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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