He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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