My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
