How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
