Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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