Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
