i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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