I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
