fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
