And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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