I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
