I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
