yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
