office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
