haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
