there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
