actually, I'm a sock model
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
