she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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