And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
