what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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