you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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