I need help removing her.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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