He had one of those small greek statue penises
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
