I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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