ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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