Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize