I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
