I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
