Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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