So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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