Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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