There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
