Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We are two peas in an std pod
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
