Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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