I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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