Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
