college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
