Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
