and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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