how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
