my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
