Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
