Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
