i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
