That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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