No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
