when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
