you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
