Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize