Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
