ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I puked a lego.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize