my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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