She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
