I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
