she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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