She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
These tits shall not be calmed
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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