Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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