12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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