You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
