We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
