Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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