I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
