i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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