I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
