Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm so fucking centered right now
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
