He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
