miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
