My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
