he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
