Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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