Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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