I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize